Going, going, gone

Yep my hair is no longer. It had been falling out since last Thursday. At first just small amounts, but by yesterday it was coming out in large quantities. In the evening my hair was looking pretty thin in some places, and I decided it was time for this process to be over. You have no idea what a mess it is to lose your hair until you are dealing with it. So I took the process into my own hands –well my husband’s hands - and shaved off the rest.  We first decided to cut it down to ¾ inch, but as soon as my hair was that length I realized that that was not going to work. My scalp is very sensitive right now in some places. I was warned to expect this when my hair was falling out, but it really is quite annoying. Last night I found out quickly that short, short hair covered with a scarf turns into a torture device. The little hairs felt like needles being poked into my head. Ouch! So I am now bald, and by this morning my head is feeling better. I am even able to comfortably wear a scarf on my head.

So how is it being bald? Well I won’t lie and say that it is fine. I do not like not having my hair, but it is maybe not as bad as I thought it would be. I’m sure I will get tired of always having to wear something on my head. Guys have it so much easier. :o) But it is what it is. One of the parts I was most dreading is that now I am a walking advertisement for my cancer. No matter where I go everyone will know that I have cancer. I have had a year to come to terms with my cancer, and I have decided not to try and hide it.  I feel like this is a part of my life now, and if I can help someone else out along the way because of what I am going through then that would make me happy. I don’t mind talking about it, but I hate drawing attention to myself just by walking into a room. This is the part that I wasn’t sure I was ready for – having anyone who glances at me know that I have cancer. I know that I can solve this problem by wearing a wig, but I am not sure that my head could stand a wig at this point. Today though on my first outing, things went well. Sometimes the fear of the unknown is worse than the reality. Maybe this is one of those situations. Let’s hope. The boys are also taking it pretty well I think.

On other topics. Thursday is my next chemo treatment. I am feeling great right now. This past weekend I was able to get out and feel normal. It is awesome doing normal stuff! I am even able to taste most things again.  This is a huge praise! My concerns this time around are:

1.   Will the side effects be worse? I have been told that for many people the side effects tend to get worse as you go. I now know what to expect for light side effects. I am hoping that they do not get much worse.
2. How will having the Neulasta shot (for white blood cell growth) the day after chemo affect me? The first Neulasta shot was not fun for me. Not everyone has problems with it, but I did. It caused bone and muscle pain. Imagine having the respiratory flu and having hurt your back all at the same time. I was pretty achy and had a lot of back muscle spasms. They tell me that this means that the shot was doing its job, but I sure wish it could do its job without telling me about it. :o) This time around I am concerned that the Neulasta side effects will come at the same time as the worst of the chemo side effects.

Once again thanks everyone for all your prayers and support. It means so much to me that everyone cares and wants to help!