You can Trust God!

One year ago tomorrow I heard the words “You have cancer” again for the second time in that many years. The anniversary of my first diagnosis is next week, but whose keeping track? :o) Let me tell you though that it feels good to be on this side of all the tests and treatments! It feels great to have no pathology reports to be waiting on the results for! And I owe it all to God!

When you are going through a trial, whatever it is, you feel like you are going to break. Like the stress of the situation is going to cause you to implode and all that will be left is a little pile of dust. You feel like nothing good can come out of this and nothing good will ever happen again. You cannot see around, over, or under the trial. And you know that your only choice is to go through it. And you are scared.

What the whole situation boils down to though is this one question: Can I trust God?  Can I trust Him to help me through this? Can I trust Him that He really loves me and would only allow me to go through this if there was a good reason? And the answer to the question is a million times YES!

I caught the end of a new show on Discovery this past week. It followed rock hunters as they looked for rare gems. I can’t really say one way or another if the show is good or not.  I didn’t watch much of it. I just stopped on it because it caught my eye. The rock hunters in this episode were buying rubies. I had never before seen rubies right from the ground. I was surprised to see how dull they were. They weren’t even very red.

The show went on to explain that it takes a good eye to be able to see the potential in these rocks. There is a lot of risk involved too. These dull rocks must be fired in high temperatures in a very special process to get the jewels we know. If the temperature is off slightly, all you get is dust. There is no going back. It is an all-or-nothing gamble. And of course the show only showed the end product that was beautiful, gorgeous, brilliant red rubies.

The show got me to thinking though. I wonder how many times it took to get it right? Did the jeweler start with a little rock first to test the flame? Did he use it as his “throw away”? He saw the potential in the rocks, but he had no guarantee that he would reap it. There was an element of risk and uncertainty.

When we go through trials, we feel like we are going through the fire. We feel like there is a lot of risk and uncertainty. We feel like we could end up damaged beyond repair. And we may feel kind of like an experiment. But God is not the jeweler! The difference between the two is huge. They both see potential in the unfired rock that is true, but with God we are not an experiment. There is no risk! He knows the outcome before the trial even begins. He can be completely trusted to get you through the trial.

And He never makes a mistake. Never! You might feel like a small useless rock that is worthless. You might not see your potential but God does! When He looks at you He can see what you are going to be! Isn’t that awesome! And with the first and last of us He gets it right. The fire will never be so hot that it destroys us. He knows what He is doing! He really does! And you can trust Him!

That is one thing that I have learned over and over during these last two years. I can trust God. He will never leave me. He loves me.

You can trust God too! I promise. No better yet He promises!

A Must Read - "you'll get through this"

I wanted to recommend a good book that I have read. It is called you’ll get through this by Max Lucado. Lucado is one of my favorite authors. I really like how he puts God’s truths in a simple, easy-to-understand way. When I saw this book advertised, I knew I needed to read it. I would highly recommend it to anyone going through a tough time in their life – no matter the situation. I would even recommend if for all of you who are cruising on autopilot right now because it is always good to be prepared for when the road gets rocky. And let’s face it – eventually it always does.

This book uses Joseph’s story from the Bible to show us hope even in the roughest of times. You remember Joseph from the Bible don’t you? You know the one with the coat of many colors who dreams dreams and gets sold into slavery by his brothers. Several times in Joseph’s life it looked like things could not get any worse, but Joseph did not give up hope. And God numerous times took a grave situation and changed it for His own good.

Joseph did not give up hope on God. You should not either. There is hope for hard times. It is not going to be easy. Life seldom is but there is always hope in God.  We must never give up and think that evil has won. That God can’t make good on His promise to work all things together for good for those who love Him. The same pattern has been shown over and over and over in the Bible. Max calls it “Evil. God. Good.” Evil happens – We do something we shouldn’t have or maybe we do nothing wrong at all but something bad still happens. We are overwhelmed. God takes the situation and works with it. Good results. Over and over this pattern is in the Bible. And over and over again God wins out.

Even in the ultimate situation when Jesus was nailed to the cross. Satan thought he had won. He had God right where he wanted Him. Satan was probably sure that nothing could destroy his plan now. But God always wins! Always! Satan missed the big picture. And in the moment where Jesus hung on the cross, God had His ultimate victory – Victory over sin and death!

Never doubt for a moment that God can’t do the same in your life. He can take any situation and use it for good! If you need a little encouragement I would highly recommend this book!

No Cancer Found in PET Scan!

This will be short and sweet since I don’t have a lot of time, but I really wanted to let everyone know. I got my PET scan results back today and it came back with no signs of cancer! Praise the Lord! I didn’t see the doctor today but the nurse practitioner said that everything looks good. It is a relief to get good news in February for a change! Thanks so much for praying!

Next Thursday the 20^th I will be have a procedure to remove my port. It is time for it to go! I will be excited to finally get this removed. I have gotten used to it. It took a good two weeks after it was put in for it to not hurt with every movement of my body. It was also nice to have during chemo, so I’m glad for it. But it will be good to be back to just me with no medical devices. :o)

This February is not without medical tests and procedures but I’m sure liking these better than last year’s!

Upcoming PET scan

I’ve had a nice break from doctor visits, tests and procedures.  I’ve rather enjoyed it, but next week I will be back in the hot seat again. I will be having a follow-up PET scan on Tues, Feb 4^th. I have not found any new lumps, and I’m not overly concerned. This test is just to make sure that there are no surprises. Of course even standard follow-up tests bring with them a certain amount of nervousness, so if you think of me please pray. Pray that I will get clean results and that I will be able to rest in the Lord during the week I will have to wait for my results.

 Luckily PET scans aren’t a huge deal. They are not cheap but at least for me I think they are easier to do than an MRI. The goal of the PET scan is to find any cancer that is throughout your body. The test is used when a doctor is concerned with distant recurrences of cancer. What that means is that the cancer has spread from its original site. Since I had a local recurrence last year, this caused the doctors to be more concerned about distant recurrences. I believe that it is a standard test to do after you have had any recurrence. This will be my second and hopefully last PET scan.

This February marks the third February that I have been dealing with cancer. The last two times the calendar said “February” I have found a lump. The last two Marchs I have been diagnosed with cancer. So you can understand my growing weariness of this time of year. I would so like to break this pattern this year! And I’m hoping that this PET scan will do this. If it comes back clean, then I should be able to rest a little easier the rest of the month!

Of course this test is just that – a test. It is nothing more. The One I really put my hope and trust in is God. It is so easy to put a lot of weight on a certain test or diagnosis. To think that this test is the one that means that I am totally free of cancer and don’t have to worry. Or to be cancer free this many years means that I’m home free. But that is not the way cancer always works. It doesn’t always follow the rules that we make for it. And we are not really doing ourselves any favors anyway if we put too much weight on these human things. God is the one in control. He is where my hope should solely lie. And every time I start to get nervous about a test I just remind myself of that. I may not know what the future holds but I can trust the One who does!  

How I Got Free Tickets to Amusement Parks in Florida

It’s been a long time since I updated my blog. Like everyone else I got busy with Christmas. I kept meaning to write something, but never made the time to. I really meant to write when I got my first haircut. OK it wasn’t much of a haircut – there wasn’t much hair actually cut, but the help she gave me to understand how to get my hair to cooperate was outstanding. My hair is still pretty short, but it is growing and as it does it is getting curlier. The curl actually makes it super easy to style in the morning.

The big news though is that we just got back from Florida. We have been planning for this trip for a while now. We actually started planning for it around this time last year, but then my recurrence kind of got in the way. How dare you cancer! The trip then got moved back and turned into a reward for getting through this long year.

We had a blast in Florida. And we are happy to say that we missed out on the record cold weather that Illinois had while we were gone. The boys were able to experience their first plane ride, go to the beach, and of course do Disney. I had my doubts that we all would be able to hold up for 5 days in Disney plus the other things we had planned, but I’m happy to report that we did great. The boys were real troopers and had a lot of fun. My body also was able to handle the walking. We are so glad we were able to experience this as a family!

But the real reason that I actually decided to write this blog is to share with you how I got free tickets to Busch Gardens, Sea World, and Universal Studios. I know that there are others out there that might be planning a trip to Florida in the future and could benefit from this info. Of course the big catch is that you have to be going through a life-threatening illness to get the tickets. But you probably already guessed that right?

Anyway I was really excited when I learned that I qualified to get these tickets. The organization is not well published. They do not have a website even, but they were very friendly when I called them. They were also very easy to work with. Their name is Compassion Partners (407-396-5320). They are only able to work with Busch Gardens, Sea World and Universal Studios. Sorry no Disney. All I needed to do was to get a letter from my doctor stating my diagnosis and that she considered it a life-threatening illness. They do not put any other requirements on it, and you do not have to be considered terminal.  When I mentioned it to my doctor, she was more than happy to help me.

I’m also happy to report that it was very easy to enter the parks. I had a letter from Compassion and had to show my driver’s license. That’s it. And the whole family got in free! If anyone out there is planning a trip to Florida soon and wants more info you can email me or else just call the phone number above. The person who answered was more than happy to help me with the list of info that they needed from me and my doctor.

Health update and Prayers for those affected by tornado

Washington's tornado

I have been meaning to update my blog all week, but the words have not come to me. What can you say that hasn’t already been said about the terrible destruction from Sunday’s tornado that plowed a path through Washington. For those of you who don’t know I live in Eureka, Illinois. Our neighboring town, where my sister lives is Washington. Washington is one of those typical Illinois small towns – easy to love and a great place to raise a family. Now it is not so typical. Now it has a huge scar running down its center. 

Praise the Lord though that only one life was lost! Praise the Lord that my sister’s family and even her house are fine! 

Today I drove over to Washington to go to Walmart. I have been avoiding this trip all week. I even thought of just going to another town for my stuff, but I wanted my first trip through town to be without my kids. To see just a little bit of the destruction in person was heart breaking. My heart goes out to all the people who lost homes. Please continue to pray for them. They have a long, hard road ahead of them.

Health update

I am feeling much better. I am feeling a little stronger every day. I have much to be thankful for. I realized this today when I was running up the stairs to get something. I can again run up the stairs! I am not anemic anymore. My leg muscles do not burn anymore because of the effects of chemo. I even have hair on my head and have started going without a hat! Yes, it is really short. Shorter than any hairstyle I would choose, but I have decided to be OK with it. And a positive is that I’m loving how quickly it can be styled. :o) Guys really do have it much easier than women at least in this area!

My body is healing and hopefully soon all I will be left with are just the scars – reminders of this struggle and also of God’s hand of protection during this time. God has taken good care of me! He really has! Thanks so much for all the prayers!

“So what happens next?” “Are you done?”

 I get those questions a lot. Yes, I guess I am done in a lot of ways. It seems weird to me to say that. This has been a long year. I have been in fight mode for so long that it seems weird to just stop. I don’t know if that makes sense or not, but in a way fighting cancer has become a way of life for me. I now have to start getting back to normal. 

I did see my oncologist last week.  All appears to be fine right now. I am kind of in the watching and waiting phase now I guess. I will see her again in three months. At that time I will have another PET scan. Of course the goal of this PET scan is to be totally clear. My first PET scan done right after my biopsy showed a little blip right at the sight of the recurrence. The radiologist said that it could easily have been caused by the recent surgery. This repeat scan will just be verifying that. I am also leaving in my port until then. My doctor doesn’t seem too concerned about my next PET scan. It is more of a precaution. I am not too worried about it right now either. I’m sure when it gets closer I will be a little nervous, but I know I’m in good hands. And I’m trying to remind myself daily of this fact. 

None of us know what the future holds. We think we do. We plan and go about our lives, but sometimes things happen to mess up our plans. Whether it is a tornado or cancer. But no matter what God is still in control! 

Have a great Thanksgiving!!

Surgery Complete

My surgery went well Thursday. There were no surprises, and I was even able to go home the same day. It was a little more painful than I was expecting though. I think that we throw around the term laparoscopic and we kind of minimize the fact that it is still surgery. I am very grateful that we now have the option of laparoscopic surgery. I think that it is awesome that surgery is able to be done in such a way, but I think that we forget that it is still surgery and a drama to our bodies.  The good news though is that even though it was painful, the pain lessens pretty quickly – I’m sure much more quickly than traditional surgery.

I was starting to get around more yesterday. And today I am up even more. Of course now for me I have to make sure that I don’t do too much too soon. If you knew my grandma or my dad, you would know where I inherited my need to be always doing something. If there is a job that I know needs to be done, it keeps calling to me. It is so hard to not just get up and do it. :O)

I have been super tired though so that helps to keep me moving slower. I don’t know if I should blame the effects of anesthesia, healing, hormone changes, or what but I have been super tired. I am hoping that this gets better this week. I am also hoping that this post makes sense because it has been a little harder to put words together the last few days.

One thing that took me by surprise with this surgery was the deep feeling of loss and sadness that I felt. I wasn’t excited about this surgery, but I thought that I had worked through the emotions of it before. Truth be told, I was pretty upset that this surgery might even be suggested last year. From my research I knew it was used some – more in the past than now. I even had the option of doing the Lupron shots last year but I turned them down. I didn’t want to have to go through menopause so young. With cancer the decisions are always hard it seems. You must balance treatment with side effects. You must decide how far you need to go in treatment to do the best you can to kill cancer. But you must know that every step of the way that there will be bad side effects that you will have to live with -some permanently. It is not easy and it takes an emotional toll.

But I had thought through all this already. I had weighed the pros and cons.  I was even in menopause going into the surgery. I wasn’t expecting a lot of surprises. And yet I felt like I had just lost a big part of me. I guess because I had just made it permanent and there was now no chance of going back. I am now extremely glad that I didn’t have this surgery back in May. I cannot even begin to imagine how I would have felt waking up to instant menopause. I would have dealt with all my feelings of loss, the pain and also horrid hot flashes and a big hormone drop. I think that God’s hand was in the details. By doing chemo and then Lupron I was able to go a little more slowly into menopause. Because of this, my hot flashes post surgery have not been very different than they were before. I am very glad of this.

Having gone through this, I would make one recommendation to another woman in my same shoes. If you must make the decision to either suppress or remove your ovaries, give yourself time. Even if you are against the Lupron shots, get at least one before you surgically and permanently put yourself into menopause. Give yourself the extra time to adjust to the idea and the low hormone levels. I am so glad that this is the way it ended up happening for me. I was very knowledgeable about what to expect from the surgery, but it is one thing to know on paper what to expect and another to go through it.